Candid Candid Camera

Do you remember the T.V. show from the sixties called "Candid Camera"? It was a show that caught people off guard in funny situations with a hidden camera. It was 1978 and my husband and I invited our Church bible study to our house to watch cable T.V. We were the first couple around to have to have cable T.V. access. I looked through the T.V. guide to see what we should all watch. When I saw Candid, Candid Camera I figured it was a "typo". The scene we watched was about a sky-scraper window washer......apparently a NAKED sky-scrapper window washer (early cable T.V. wasn't censored). At the first sight of a nude body on my T.V. in front of my "church friends" I literally leaped, and belly flopped across the coffee table in time to change the channel. So I guess it wasn't a typo after all. It really was "Candid, Candid Camera". Welcome to early cable T.V.


Open Latte~

Can you be over qualified and under qualified for the same job?

On Monday I had an interview with the president of a small company. As he read my resume and chatted with me, he marveled at how over qualified I was for the position. I thought the interview went well, because he told me that he wanted me to talk with the C.F.O.

On Tuesday I had the interview with the C.F.O. of the company. As she read my resume and chatted with me she mentioned that I was under qualified for the position. I thought my opportunity for the position was over. However, at the end of the interview she said she would call me by the end of the week. Well........today is Saturday so, I guess I am officially over qualified and under qualified for the same job. I think they deserve an Open Latte for this one. :)

Can't a condiment be an entree ?

I was eating lunch at Moes yesterday (Moes is a fresh mex fast food restaurant). I noticed a new condiment at the self serve condiment area. It's corn salsa. I initially put some of the corn style salsa into the tiny cup provided. Then, I dumped it on top of my nachos. YUM ! YUM !So, I got up and dumped tons and tons of this corn salsa on top of my nacho's......I completely buried the nachos with corn salsa. By the time I woofed down the thick, thick layer of corn salsa, I realized that I had a HUGE stomach ache.........I was doubled over with stomach cramps ....... what was my first hint that condiments aren't meant to be entrees ..... .maybe the tiny cup condiment cup provided .... ya think ? Open Latte.

......for a million dollars ?

As I sat in my car at a red traffic light.....my mind wandered.....what if someone paid me a million dollars to work again for a certain horrid boss, would I ? I weighed it back and forth in my mind.......thinking about what I could do for my family with a million dollars.....but, I have principles and I would never want to work for that person again.....what to do.....what to do. I was actually experiencing feelings of true agitation.... seriously disturbingly torn and rattled. Then the traffic light turned green.........back to reality......deliverance.....phew.......no one is offering me a million dollars to do any such thing.................. "open latte ".

Where is Jesus?

I was thinking about my early childhood experiences....when, I realized what my first "open latte" was:

I was about 4 years old and I was in a church.......this was my very first time in any church. I walked down the sanctuary's long aisle and settled into a long, wooden, pew with my very glamorous and chic Aunt Josey. For some reason she brought me to her friend's wedding (she babysat me a lot). Well, someone must have told me that "church" is Jesus' house because no sooner had I sat down in the church pew, I stood right up......looked around......and said at the top of my voice, "WHERE IS JESUS !" My Aunt, totally embarrassed, tried to get me to sit down and be quiet. I kept asking this question, loudly, and with determined expectation many times during the ceremony.............kinda cute :) .....but, a perfect example of an "open latte"........

Debbie Pizza

I am on a diet....so, naturally, I think about food all the time. So, there I am, walking through the market thinking, "Look at all this delicious food.....SO MUCH FOOD.......I want to eat...I am hungry...... I am tired of tuna fish and celery!" Just then, it caught my eye ! "Debbie Pizza"........it like a message from above.....saying "this is for you....you can eat this !" Then, I did a double take...... it read "Double Pizza"....... so sad .........OPEN LATTE !

Open the Car Trunk

My husband and I walked out of the market carrying groceries in the pouring rain (ok, I carried the car keys and my husband had all the groceries). Well, I hate getting rained on so I ran ahead to open the car door ..... As I clicked the remote keychain to unlock all the car doors I heard my husband call out......"hey, it would be nice if you'd open the trunk for me"........to which I replied, "I did" (well, I mean, I clicked the key remote to technically unlock the trunk door.....guess he meant to actually, physically move and lift said trunk door upwards.....as in "actually open it".........) he got into the car drenched .......he was a bit cranky............OOPS ................ Open Latte.......

Song Lyrics

I was listening to an Oldies station in my car .... an old Paul McCartney and Wings song started to play (I think this song was a 007 theme song). The lyrics were "when you were young and your life was an open book, you used to say live and let live..you know you did, you know you did, you know you did"....... then later in the song comes the well known refrain....."live and let die". So for years, I never connected the first part of the song....that you're young and you're tolerant.... ie: "live and let live") to the second part of the song about getting older, and having lived through more...you say "LIVE AND LET DIE." So, ok, the songwriter here has a definite opinion......young and tolerant........old and dangerously cranky. I have heard this song a zillion times.....and finally, I just now got it...."Open Latte".

....This makes me wonder what else I have heard again and again....and still haven't gotten yet........I am thinking about those wedding vows.......did the reverend say that I am supposed to "obey" or use "Oil of Olay"?

Hair Disaster

I just moved to Atlanta and I knew that my big Jersey girl hair "do", wouldn't do. Looking for advice, I asked the only person that I had met in the town (she was a successful business woman) for a salon recommendation . She recommended a chic salon .... somewhere very upscale. When I got to the salon the hairstylist asked me how much hair he could cut off ..... I told him to cut off all the "unhealthy" hair (because I knew that my hair had been over processed by the Jersey girl salon). His scissors flew around my head, hair flew off and next thing I knew I had about 4 inches of hair left. When I next saw my "friend" I noticed that I had the same haircut that she had......extremely short.....hmmmmmmm Open Latte.

Lavatory vs Labratory

It was my very, very first day of school. I imagined that school would be a magical and exciting place. As my kindergarten teacher handed me the big wooden pass with the tiny chain looped through it, she whispered that it was my turn to go to the lavatory. Wow ..... so many new things to see in school. School was sooo great. I was going to get to see a lavatory.....and on my very first day. Wow ! So, imagine my disappointment when I walked into the lavatory expecting to see a laboratory equipped with cool test tubes, bubbling beakers and some mad scientist equipment ... but saw, instead,
a BATHROOM ! Open Latte ..........

Once upon a time.........

Once upon a time most people in America had jobs. In fact, once upon a time I had a job, too.

Now I'm stuck at my husbands computer with a cup of instant coffee and pajamas blogging at 6 a.m.

He's still in Florida.........

My husband calls me at home from a tennis tournament in St.Louis. He tells me that his opponent is running late for his 2pm match. I ask why? My husband says....."well, he's still in Florida....haha.....guess he's going to be late"....... I take the bait and say without a thought........ "Wow, you're going to have to wait a really long time!"...silence on the phone line. Then I realize, "Oh, you were being sarcastic.........he's not coming........like not coming at all.......... 'cause you're in St. Louis.............and he's still in Florida".

Open Latte..........

The saddest thing I ever saw.....

I went to the funeral of an acquaintance's teenage son. I was able to keep it together until the mom broke down.....not able to leave the grave site......couldn't leave her son alone in the ground. As I left the funeral I couldn't help think how I could now go on with my life and experience nice thoughts and generally have a nice day........her life would never be the same.......I don't know if she'll ever experience another truly happy moment......I don't know her well enough to know that. It seemed to me somehow that the world should stop out of respect for her loss.....but, it didn't. We were able to move on.........it was the saddest thing I have ever seen........I pray for her alot. No open latte today.

Mrs. Magoo ?

Do you remember the Mr. Magoo cartoon from the 1960's ? He was a funny character wearing thick eye glasses who laughingly bumped into things continually misidentifying most of the objects that he bumped into. Oh, no, it hit me me .... I am a blond Mr. Magoo ..... Mrs. Magoo to you .... because, while I don't literally bump into things, I do have a propensity to "see" what I want to see ..... not what's really "there". Uh, oh, that could explain the bathing suit that I bought last week .......... oh, no.......

Game Face

Years ago I used to play tennis.......one Sunday morning I wore my tennis outfit to church to save time......I had a match later that morning. I sat in the back of the church to avoid drawing attention to myself. But, as I was leaving church a man (probably a fellow tennis player) noticing my obvious tennis outfit.......asked me if I had my "game face" on ........... Well, I never wore makeup when I played tennis.......too messy........so, I replied to him, "well, no, I don't wear any makeup when I play tennis"........he cracked up.........then I realized that it had nothing to do with makeup........open latte.

"Change"

I had a job at a local healthclub located in a wealthy suburb.......it was my turn to close the cash register......as I was counting the coins in the register a fellow employee asked me to come over to one of the tables where he was having a heated conversation with a member.....they were interested in my opinion ........

Employee: "this member disagrees with me"....... "I think that the members around here don't like change.....what do you think"......

Me: "Wow......really?.....they don't like change"? "Must be nice to be so rich"......

Employee and member: What ?

Me: "Change......change.........must be nice to only value paper currency......... !"

Employee and member (howling with laughter): We mean that they don't like THINGS in life to change !" "Things like the aerobic schedule "!

..........Open Latte..........