Clogs

While I was driving home from work the other day, I noticed a new billboard.  It had an ad for a new Plumbing comany.........as I quickly drove by I noticed it said something about "no clogs for these plumbers" ........ and I thought........ "gosh, I didn't realize that plumbers wore clogs....I have seen hospital and medical workers wear clogs.......hummmm......didn't think that plumbers wore clogs......."  After driving a few blocks and thinking about clogs......shoes.......shoes being a favorite topic.......I connected the dots........clog as in clogged drains......not clogs as in a type of footwear......hahahaha........Open Latte!

Mother's Day

I arrived home from the airport around midnight on Mother's Day. All three of my sons, Chris, Stephen, and Derek, had already texted me "Happy Mother's Day." I was a very happy mommy. When I walked into the house I dropped my luggage because I could see presents up on the kitchen counter! No way! Guys......without any nudging from a parent actually went out and bought presents for me.....and, gulp, even used gift bags and tissue paper to wrap them in ? Wow ! I tore open the cards and gifts as they laughed at my surprize. At that moment I felt extraordinarily loved and grateful for such thoughtful sons. Just then they said, "we're not done.....go into your bedroom, there's more in there." As I walked into my bedroom.....what I saw ...... did not make me happy........ all my bedding and sheets.... and my numerous decorative pillows, were all tossed in a humongous heap on the floor. "Well guys," I said sarcastically, "thanks for tearing up my bed......I don't get it." Then they said, "Mom, LOOK closer. I then noticed the small index card from The Mattress Firm with their signature, individually wrapped mints carefully placed on top. NO WAY, SHUT UP, OMG! It was a BRAND NEW king sized, cushy, cozy, mattress set! My oldest son, Chris, a Manager at Mattress Firm, did this while I was out of town ....... pause ....... pause and ponder ...... and then see the lightbulb over my head turn on. Aha, so that's why he kept asking me to go to a Mattress Firm store to tell him which mattress I liked. (Background info: my husband and I had a king sized sink hole in our king sised mattress and we kept putting off getting a new one $$.) Shouldn't I hve been suspiscious when Chris called me on the phone to quiz me as to what I most looked for in a mattress? Nope......it never, ever occurred to me that he'd go and buy me a mattress set.........OPEN LATTE !

Yeah, really smart.........

After having been unemployed for the last few months I feared that my brain had turned to mush. Well, I am employed again. While I drove my high school-age son to school before my first day at the new job, I mentioned to him that I would have to work on "rebooting" my brain back into "thinking, smart, employed person mode" again. We both laughed. That night I pulled into my driveway while still thinking about my not feeling as "sharp" as I'd like to feel.. Just at that moment......as I got out of my car and hit the "lock" button on my car door and slammed it shut........I realized ........in slow motion....before I could stop the car door from slamming shut..........that I had just locked my purse containing both sets of my car keys and my new office keys into my car......off to a great start......yeah, really smart.......open latte...........

To Pray or not to pray.......

Since I am still looking for a job, I spend the majority of each day filling out on-line job applications. You'd think that, by now, I'd be a professional application filler-outer......Nope.

Once in a while these on-line job applications come with a "test" that you have to take. These little tests are "timed." This is not a big problem for me since I can type really, really fast. I often have time to edit my answers.

So, picture this....it's morning, I'm in my pajamas sipping hot coffee casually filling out on-line job applications. I clicked on a job that interested me and one of those timed exams popped up on my screen. Yawn....the smart side of me suggested that I take the exam later in the day........but, the side of me that always wins these head-case tug of wars told me to get it over with. I muddled through the hour long exam and reached the final question. The final question went something like this: "if the top selling store in your district had a major drop in profits for the last quarter, what are some of the things that you would do to get the numbers back up?" I wrote down a list of practical and creative ideas until I hit a total blank......a random strike of brain fog......so, I started to giggle and typed in "pray"...... just as I was going to hit the backspace button a few times to delete the silly entry......another little window popped up with a new message: "FINISHED" as in, you are SO out of time ! Oh, no, I couldn't erase the last answer ! Sigh.....well, I can only hope that either a very spiritual person is doing the hiring for this position......or, someone with a really good sense of humor ! Open Latte.......

Pretending to listen.....busted !

Entranced in the ritual preparation of taking a soothing bubble bath, happily dumping containers of bubble bath, fragrant oils and all kinds of girly stuff into the froth, my husband walked into the bedroom. He was telling me about his day (he's a tennis pro.....so,it's usually tennis, tennis, tennis.......that evening he was telling me something about an important national tennis tournament that he was playing in). Unfortunately for him, I wasn't really listening. No, I focused on how much hot water I was putting into the bathtub.....too many times in the past I'd accidentally let the hot water run lukewarm, which totally ruins the chance of a successful bubble bath. Yet, trying to be a wonderful and attentive wife, I pretended to pay attention to what my husband was saying and asked my him a few questions about his tennis match........half listening I heard him say something about playing Doubles with Phil....and something about Singles. To continue my charade I responded, "oh, that's nice, you'll be playing Doubles with Phil, yeah, he's super.......and you'll be playing Singles by yourself, yeah, that's a good plan, that should work." As I dipped my toes into the perfectly prepared bubble bath elixir and settled my bottom into the tub, he walked into the bathroom...... he was grinning....."Oh, he said, "do you really think I have much of a chance playing singles by myself ?" Still on blonde auto pilot I answered, "yes, you're a really good singles player, you should be fine by yourself.......". Sinking down to my chin in bubbles, my brain thawed out and the wheels began to turn.......giggling ...and coughing up bubbles.....I realized what I'd just said......I was busted for not listening. "Singles.......yeah, ya generally don't need a partner for S-I-N-G-L-E-S, that's why they call it singles ! Open Latte.

And that's why God made travel mugs.......

Yawn....it was morning, time to drive my high school son to school.

Before I go on with my story, you need to know that I need coffee in the morning.......I want that cup of coffee. "Helpful" family members and friends often suggest that I would be healthier if I cut coffee out of my diet.....and drink herb tea.....HA ! You know what, it would be healthier for THEM to stop suggesting this.

Months ago when I used to work (not working is a recent gig for me) I always put my morning cup of life into a cute pink and green polka dotted travel mug. But, recently, since I know that I am not really going anywhere, I put it into a regular, rather boring coffee cup.

So, there we are in the car.....me with coffee cup in hand.....no longer complaining about the stay-at-home moms taking too long in the carpool line....when......my son mentions to me that one of his contact lenses is uncomfortable....so, now that I am "Super stay- at -home-unemployed mom," and am able to meet my families needs before they finish their request...... I perch my coffee cup on the dashboard and reach into my enormous purse and hand him my eye drops.....just then......I needed to pull up in the carpool line....my toe tapped the gas peddle....OOOOOPS.....the coffee cup is no longer perched on the dashboard but is flying, slow motion, like The MATRIX version of slow motion...through the air then drenching my son. Did I mention that we were also running late for school.....yes, of course, this would be the day to forget that God made travel mugs for a good reason ! Open Latte !

Make-over for Snakes

I like to walk over a certain walking bridge over the Chattahoochee River....there is an area there where turtles crawl up branches sticking out of the river to get some sun....for reptiles, I have to admit, they are kinda cute. That made me think about snakes.....nothing cute about snakes.....kinda unfair......what would it take to make snakes cute ? EYELASHES ! Yes, snakes just need an ez fashion makeover......I just need to find a movie star, like Paris Hilton or Lyndsay Lohan, to adopt the cause..... We could call it "Snakes are People, too." Imagine little zoologists dressed in khaki's and pithe helmets crawling around the woods and jungles of the world glueing fake eyelashes on to all the world's snakes...... But, you know what, since that would be too huge an undertaking, what would be do-able is for everyone who walks around in the jungle or woods to wear a pair of glasses that already has a pair of eyelashes painted on it....so that when you look at a snake (hey, it would work a bear, too) you'd just tilt your head at the right angle to get the eyelashes over the eyes of the snake or fierce, unattractive and unfashionable creature.....eh, voila, ez fashion make-over causing huge warm fuzzies for everyone involved.

I was actually just sitting at the kitchen table a few minutes ago telling one of my sons about my "Paris Hilton-esque idea" but we changed subjects to his upcoming four day hike. I asked him if he had bought a snake bite kit as I had asked him to do.....he said "NO, the camping store was out of them".....so, I said, "well, we'll go to another store and buy one....cause you have to have one before you go on that hike"....... you know what he said..........."don't worry mom, if I see a snake, I'll just put a pair of eyelashes on it.........OPEN LATTE !